Oftentimes, those asking for critique really want validation. When critiquing I try to be honest but I also try to not be hateful. So I left someone a critique on a forum. They took it seriously and reworked their website landing page copy. I thought the second effort was better than the first. Quite admirable, actually. But since they don’t do this copywriting thing every day, I saw some places for improvement.
So I’m using this website owner as an example to illustrate part of the process. And he gets to take away free copy—that which he wants to use. Keep in mind that this owner has already more knowledge of his market than I have and I usually spend quite a bit of time on studying the target market.
Here’s his new and improved copy. The previous copy was VERY generic, starting with the “Welcome to our website” line. If you have that line or your website, consider it a missed opportunity unless you sell welcome mats. Here was his admirable second effort that I saw. First sentence is awkward but the gist and benefits are there now.
url: BuyEstablishedWebsites.com
Tag line: Setting The Standard for Buying and Selling WebsitesBody Copy:
The website marketplace webmasters prefer to list their sites to obtain maximum selling price and receive high quality customer service. All listings are completely free and easy to submit with our simple step-by-step website listing process.Website buyers prefer our marketplace for the highly detailed listings and integrated feedback system that lets them know they are dealing with reputable sellers. Not to mention the highly specified search function that lets website buyers target exactly the sites they are looking for.
All listed websites have been manually reviewed for quality and approved by our team. In no other marketplace can you skip right past the crap and get directly to a wide selection of quality, established websites.
We also offer a plethora of information regarding website buying, selling, flipping, and development as well as a powerful arsenal of webmaster tools. For all the information, tools and help you could ever want please visit either our Support Center, Blog or Forum. Our resources are sure to provide you with everything you need.”
I always start with the core of the tag line or headline. Or both if appropriate. Give me a REASON to list or buy a site here. I think in this case, we need to appeal to the buyer that we offer something extra and we go the extra mile.
If someone has been looking, the first thing they wonder is, “Is this credible? Is this bull? Is this a good buy?” I would guess that would be the key feature I’d look for in a listing service that would inspire me to take a closer look and possibly buy from here instead of somewhere else. After you write a headline ask:
- Is there a benefit?
- Is it specific as possible?
- Is it unique?
- Is there a reason to read now?
- Is it clear?
Even if it doesn’t say exactly all you do, does it inspire someone to think, “Huh. I need to look into this some more.”
While writing this blog, the owner replied back with another idea for logo/tagline that I extracted from his email.
BuyEstablishedWebsites.com
‘Secure Listings + Established Websites = Peace of Mind’
THAT’s what I mean about putting a benefit in there. The two things together, your url and your tag should carve your place in the market and tell the visitor what you are about. That’s why it’s important. So I’ll play around with that idea.
So here we go. We’re going to start by using this as our strategy for a tagline. I removed the + and = because at some point he’ll be putting that in marketing channels that will translate those characters in all sorts of computer code ways. So let’s simplify that one right away.
BuyEstablishedWebsites.com
Secure Listings. Established Websites. Peace of Mind.comment: Is secure listings clear enough? Are we redundant with established websites. Let’s try this.
BuyEstablishedWebsites.com
Credible sellers. Established track records. Due diligence.BuyEstablishedWebsites.com
We do the due diligence that other listing sites do not.BuyEstablishedWebsites.com
Reputable sellers. Established track records. Peace of mind.BuyEstablishedWebsites.com
One of the few listing services with standards.BuyEstablishedWebsites.com
Raising the standard of listing services.BuyEstablishedWebsites.com
Raising the standard of listing services, one site at a time.BuyEstablishedWebsites.com
The listing service that does due diligence.BuyEstablishedWebsites.com
The listing service that knows what due diligence means.BuyEstablishedWebsites.com
The listing service that does more than list.BuyEstablishedWebsites.com
No junk allowed.BuyEstablishedWebsites.com
If you want crap, you came to the wrong place.BuyEstablishedWebsites.com
Tired of crap? You’re at the right place.BuyEstablishedWebsites.com
Businesses with a track record. A listing service with credibility.BuyEstablishedWebsites.com
See what survived our background check.BuyEstablishedWebsites.com
If they are listed here, they survived our background check.BuyEstablishedWebsites.com
The listing service that actually goes beyond listing.BuyEstablishedWebsites.com
The listing service that looks behind the curtain.BuyEstablishedWebsites.com
For those who want more from a listing service than a list.BuyEstablishedWebsites.com
Websites with a track record, reviewed one at a time.As you can see, it’s a brainstorming process. I let you in on most of it, even that which isn’t great. Which one? I don’t know yet. I have to step away and let it marinate. Then I have to come back and see.
Let’s try this one on for size as a concept before I go.
URL and Tag Line:
BuyEstablishedWebsites.com
Businesses with a track record. A listing service with credibility.
Headline: Why aren’t there tens of thousands of websites listed here? Not everyone survived the interrogation process.
To buy this photo, go to Stockxpert.com
Copy:
I’ll get to that. But we have to decide the position and tag first. Opinions?
The only advice I have to give to your readers is, 'DO IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME'.
Using webpreppro has helped me find my real market, organize a marketing plan and change my website to attract that market; a vital key for those wanting to have an online business.
2 responses so far ↓
1 Jason // Mar 29, 2008 at 5:24 am
Thanks again for doing a free review of my text, it is very appreciated.
As for that first sentence being awkward, I think it can be made a little more clear by adding in the word ‘where’ and taking out the word ‘at’: “The website marketplace where webmasters prefer to list their sites to obtain…”
First major thing that stems from you not really knowing the industry that well is the use of the phrase ‘listing service’ that’s an unknown, unused phrase in this industry for the most part but can suitably be replaced by ‘website marketplace’ in all instances.
Well there is one I like but I feel it goes better with a couple words changed around: “Raising the standard of listing services.”
To me the phrase ‘raising the standard’ sounds awkward and I already explained about the phrase ‘listing services’ so here’s the two versions I see most suitable:
1. “Setting the Standard for Website Marketplaces”
2. “Raising the Bar for Website Marketplaces”
Also the tag you used for your example could be good “Businesses with a track record. A listing service with credibility.” except I would change it around to the following:
1. “Websites with a track record. A website marketplace with credibility” or…
2. “Websites with a track record from a reputable website marketplace”
So I’ve helped narrow the field a little but as I’m sure you know it is tough for one person to decide on the tag line without opinions from other people.
That’s a pretty dang good headline too. I’m sure that there are hundreds of different creative, catchy phrases possible for the headline (A little more open than the tagline) but that is really good for the first shot and may stick. I can’t think of anything off the top of my head right now as another suggestion but we can definitely go from there for now.
Looking forward to the next post about the copy.
-Jason
2 annemoss // Mar 29, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Let’s narrow down the tag first.
I’m feeling very good about the headline position. That is what I would want in a website marketplace and it would put me over the edge and inspire me to sign up.
http://webpreppro.com/blog/index.php/2008/03/29/28/
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