I just randomly chose some unsuspecting website for this makeover. The name of this site/product has been changed to protect the target-positioning ignorant.

Log a comment to this blog post with your url or headline that is in serious need of some surgery, and I’ll pick some from the lot and do some more examples.

We’ll start with a pet food site that sells premium dog food. (If this is copy from your site, you may swipe it. Or I’ll remove it if you ask. I would recommend you swipe it, though.)

Before:

Welcome to Mac-Jac.com!

Your source for Super Premium Dog Food and Super Premium Cat Food

Mac-Jac’s fresh chicken protein and unique vacuum drying process combine to create the ultimate in taste and nutrition for our premium dog foods, Try Mac-Jac Super Premium Pet Foods, and in a matter of weeks you’ll see your pet’s eyes brighten, coat get glossier, and muscles become firmer. Equally important, your pet will love fresh-tasting Mac-Jac Super Premium Pet Foods.

Oh, I’m sorry. Was there a headline up there? No. I think it was your typical WELCOME to my site crap. With an exclamation point just to SHOW you how EXCITED they are you’ve come to their site. At least they had the decency to leave it at ONE exclamation point. No benefit stated and not a lot of headline interest either. And when I say benefit, I mean stating a benefit that to the visitor. That’s what I call a lazy headline that lies there like a lump on a log. So let’s do some major headline surgery. Click more to see the results.

The Process:

We’re going to turn that snoozer into a target grabber. Assuming I’ve identified the target right in my quickie fashion.

Mac-Jac Dog Food Product Features:

Let’s determine what it is that this dog food does for your dog.

• Nutrition
• Glossier coat
• Brighter eyes
• Firmer muscles
• Dogs like it better

Let’s isolate who the target might be.These are assumptions based on a quick internet research on people who buy premium pet food and what they look for. If this were my project, I’d be spending a lot more time figuring out the target market and developing a marketing strategy.

Target Assumptions:

They humans who love their pets. The shopper? Don’t know if it’s the female in the family or the Dad. They are probably individuals who think their dog is a member of the family. They are probably an in shape family and value nutrition themselves. They jog or bike or are members of a gym. Do you think they jog with their dog? Likely. And I think at the very least they probably walk with them frequently. They have an above average income as it’s unlikely a minimum wage earner would be buying premium dog food.

We could aim for a niche by offering food for particular breeds, targeting service animals since this market has high interest in pet longevity, or position it as performance food. Those are just thoughts and we’re not going to niche to that level here.

Visual banner that includes a dog licking his owner. (If you can post a url of a photo that shows this, I’ll include it with a link to your site. I’d love a photo.)

Headline #1 with a longevity/health message benefit:

Give your dog a balanced diet of organic food and they’ll reward you with several extra years of slobbery kisses.

A good diet leads to good health which leads to a longer life. Not so different than what they tell us humans is it? And your dog is part of the family so why would you want anything but the best? And you’ll get proof it’s the best when you observe your pet after feeding him Dog-jac for one month. After that time, you’ll notice a robust surge in endurance, brighter eyes and a glossier coat.

Headline #2 with a longevity/health message benefit:

Dogs fed Mac-jac offer unconditional love to their owners an average of 5 years longer than dogs fed commercial pet food.

It’s not that your pet really knows the difference because they love you no matter what you feed them. But they’re healthier and therefore around longer to show their unconditional love if they are fed a more balanced diet. And mac-jac premium dog food is optimized in every way to deliver a premium organic nutritional balance. So not only are they around longer, they live a better quality of life.

Headline #3 that offers a surprising fact with attitude:

The protein in Mac-jac doesn’t come from chicken heads, sheep guts or road kill.

Commercial pet food protein is often comprised of these ingredients. While they may liberally label these as ingredients, we classify them as junk food suited for the landfill and not the digestive systems of our furry family members. That’s why we use quality organic ingredients such as vacuum-packed fresh chicken protein that prevents unwanted digestive problems, promotes strong teeth, glossier coats and brighter eyes. After a month of our premium pet food, you’ll notice a pet with more endurance and yadda yadda…

Headline #4 that offers a surprising fact with lots of attitude:

Congratulations. You’ve made the decision not to feed your dog the dead raccoon you saw on the side of interstate.

You probably didn’t even know that roadkill is often the source of protein in commercial pet foods. But road kill, chicken heads, sheep guts and other unsavory and cast off ingredients from food processing plants, are often the key ingredients. By making the decision to buy premium pet food made from organic ingredients and genuine sources of protein, you’ve made a commitment to the health of your furry family friend. And it will show in as little as four weeks. You’ll notice a glossier coat of fur, brighter eyes and more endurance. Pets fed our dog food experience fewer instances of cancer and other digestive abnormalities.

As you can see, this is not an exact science. Sometimes you test them and see which one resonates. It also has to suit the personality of the business owner. You have to be comfortable with it.